Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Settling In and Totally Excited

I think we're all aware that I can be slightly emotional from time to time. Okay, okay, I'm able to turn a little rain into the end of world on the drop of a dime, but so what?! It's a talent I've acquired in the past two and a half years...

I'm getting used to it though--my roots have settled in and are adapting. I think hope.

I told him that I might like orgasm denial...and the sky didn't fall! Seriously, I was waiting for something to crush me, but I'm still here, fully functional. It's crazy. And awesome. And I don't even care if we do it or not, it just feels good to tell him.

I might start overthinking it in a few days, but for now I'm good. ;)

An observation: the more I open up to him, the less I want to write here...I think it gets to be too much.

He took me downstairs a few nights ago--something he hasn't done since last November. The next morning, out of the blue, I started crying. I think it was an emotional overload, because it usually takes a couple days for me to drop. Anyway, I was able to see that I didn't have to let it overcome me,  I moved on and enjoyed the after effects. I missed going down there...

It feels like things are clearer, like I can finally see through the fear and insecurities. I haven't been fighting them, I just let them be and work through it.

It might be different tomorrow but at least I know I can do it.

I'm glad he took me downstairs...Yes, it was wonderful being tied up while he used the crop on my pussy (and all that other stuff), but I really needed to know I could do it, you know?

Especially since we might we might have a night to ourselves this weekend! Yep, that's right, we might be kid free this Saturday! I'm trying to not let myself get too excited (kids can be so unpredictable), but it's not working.

I'M SO FUCKING EXCITIED!

And a little nervous...

Which only makes me more excited.

Yay!







21 comments:

  1. Have my fingers crossed that your kidless night happens...and it sounds like you are figuring things out...please do not stop writing here, I would miss you sooooooo much..
    hugs abby

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    1. abby, the kids keep asking to go, none of us are sick, I think it might really happen! :D

      I'm not going anywhere! It's just something I noticed while writing this. I want to be better at being open...I don't want to be afraid of being me and I think writing helps. And I would miss you too!!!

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  2. I second abby's comment~ the entire thing.

    I will add I do understand about not writing though. I tend to if I have a major break through,( and I do have a post written about vulnerability and it not being the right word to use...that should cause some arguments). However, for our every day struggles, which don't seem to last as long, it seems better to keep it closer to home now. There was a time and there no doubt will be again where I need(ed) to share but some things are just meant for Barney I guess. *wink*

    Cautiously optimistic for your weekend!
    willie

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    1. Curious to see your post on "vulnerability" Willie! It's a topic I have been interested in as well =]
      XOXO Pearl

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    2. willie, I'm curious to know what word I should use!

      I enjoy writing for lots of reasons, but when it comes to sharing personal stuff it gets complicated. And, yeah, some stuff is better left unsaid...learned that the hard way!

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  3. Keeping fingers crossed so that you stay kidless. See this is why you have to post here, so I can keep my fingers crossed for you ;)

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    1. DF, I love seeing you here and not just for your fingers! ;) I will take all the crossed fingers I can get though!

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  4. ^You have to post here to give me hope.
    Yea Misty!

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    1. Bleue, I post here so you can give me hope!

      I'm not going anywhere. It was just something I noticed and I'm glad I did...now I can work through it. :)

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  5. Yeah Misty, can you see me smiling? I'm so happy that you are able to talk to him and work through the fears and insecurities, that is awesome :)

    I have everything crossed that your kidless weekend pans out and agree with the others. You have to keep writing here :)

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Roz, I do feel empowered! I think I just need to take it slow--really, really slow.

      Thanks for the crossed fingers! You guys have made me feel so special!

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  6. Yay Misty go you!
    I have my fingers crossed you get that kid free time!

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  7. First, the basement....now a kid-less night with endless possibilities.......
    Jealous!!!!!!

    And re: all those exiting/ nerve wrecking/ calming moments you get when you share more with him....GOOD FOR YOU BOTH!!!!!!!!!!!
    XOXO Pearl

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    1. Pearl, right?! So much excitement! :)

      It's strange that a calming feeling is there, I didn't really expect that. I honestly didn't know how he would take it because he likes me coming and in the past he has expressed that he's not interested in denying me, so I spent sometime working up to it. Lol. He said he'd think about it...And I'm cool with that.

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  8. Yay! I really hope you get to have a wonderful night alone! ;)

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  9. I know how you felt about suggesting that you might like something that a lot of people would hate. I have really just tried to admit and accept that I am a masochist and that when I hear about things like orgasm denial, I want to try it - even if I panic after I suggest it. I am like, what am I thinking? The more I accept who I am, the less I feel unsure about myself.
    A whole night to yourselves - awesome! Boy the fun we would have. Hope you have a great time.

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    1. Blondie, exactly! What am I thinking? And, who am I? ;)

      Joking aside, I think acceptance is underrated. Some of my great leaps were after I accepted parts of myself, sure it was kinda painful but well worth the effort.

      The night was great! :D

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  10. He must be proud of how submissive you are. Sounds like your journey in the lifestyle is going well.

    FD

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    1. FD, I think he might be proud...at the very least, he enjoys the sex. :) Life is good.

      Thank you so much for taking the time to comment!

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