Monday, May 16, 2016

Some Thoughts on Involvement with Others

There's parties, events, munches, demos, just friends, play partners, and everything else...I can't help but wonder what it would be like.

Thus far, the blog and email have been my only involvement with others in the lifestyle. (I was on FetLife for a short time, but I hardly count that as involvement.) It is comfortable here. A very nice distance from my personal life (gotta love that anonymity), easy to run away, which is probably why I haven't ran.

It would be nice to have coffee with someone that knew me, really knew me. Oh, make no mistake, the whole thing would stress me out to no end. I'd fret over everything until I turned blue. I'd think about backing out (up until the last second) then I'd suck it up and go, and I would be glad I did. That's just how I roll. ;)

I think a phone call would come before coffee, which is a different hurdle to overcome. A hurdle I've been given the chance to overcome and, in all this time, I have yet to jump it.

I'm in my little bubble over here. Again, it's comfortable. But we grow when we step outside of the bubble, and you never know who you might find.

Now, if I can't make a phone call is there any point in thinking about the rest?

Sure, there is! :)

Munches...getting together with a group of people I don't know? Yeah, that sounds reeeealy comforting. On the other hand, I would probably have a great time, if he could pull me out of the car.

Events...I'd be lying if I said I wasn't interested, but it's outside of my radar, so I don't have any strong feelings.

Parties and playing with others...I have mixed feelings, strong mixed feelings. If I'd stress that much over coffee, I think you can imagine how much I'd stress over this. When I have fantasies that involve  others, we are not at a party...I guess it's more of an intimate setting. Honestly, I am much more comfortable with (the idea of) him finding another girl that I don't have to be involved with (as long as she isn't a bitch that tries to take my man!!), but that's not even close to how my fantasies go. I think that might be because I can just sit here in my comfortable spot and get off on the fact that he's doing something he wants, while my fantasies require more involvement. On the other hand, not all fantasies need to be lived.

The thing is though, I'm not ready for anything more than just friends, maybe I will never be ready for more, then again, that kinda depends on him too. I sure as hell won't do anything without him pushing me along. If he made moves toward putting new people in our lives, I'd follow. Of course I would. But I think I have too many insecurities and I'm still not used to these intense emotions. I don't trust people. We have kids to think about. People are crazy. And stupid.

So, yeah, I have more reasons to stay in my bubble than I do to leave it.

Except for friends. I think I need more of those.

This is one of those posts where I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and click publish... and here I go...


  1. I felt like you at one stage, but I find that having friends in the "lifestyle" is great. Most don't want to be "outed" either, and because of BDSM tend to be more respectful than Nilla peeps (I personally find anyway).

    No one ( except 2 friends) in my vanilla life knows about what happens behind closed doors. My friends ask me why I put sugar in His coffee and stir it for Him. My father gets exasperated that I sit at His feet.

    By having kinky peeps in your life, I find helps me make sense of things, and much as having online friends is helpful, actually meeting for a coffee and saying some things out loud is great. I think you would also be surprised at how many kinky peeps are monogamous. Quite a lot do not play around. But some do too :)

    I say be brave - join a sub circle. You do not have to become best friends with these people. But getting out there can be and is fun :)

    1. E's Sub, being outed is a huge fear and, of course, my thoughts go through the worst scenarios. Lol. I imagine there's no way of getting past that if I never take the leap.

      No one knows about Daddy and I, not even my best friend of 25 years, it gets lonely. It might be different if she wasn't 1300 miles away, 'cause I'm sure she'd notice a difference in us.

      I can see benefits in meeting people, but I'm just so dang comfortable! Lol. *sigh*

      Thank you so much for the comment!

  2. We went to a week day lunch time munch once. Everyone was therefore dressed in work atire. Although the conversation did get around to some kink talk, it was mostly just a, dare I say, 'normal vanilla' get together.

    We also attended a BDSM event which was a very interesting and fun night and have met up with another couple - for drinks and a chat not play! I'm not sure I could do that.

    All in all I would say the experiences have been positive and it was great to be able to talk to like minded people.


    1. Roz, but what will people think of me?! Lol. I feel like I'm socially awkward from working from home for so long and I have so few opportunities to talk to adults, how am I supposed to carry on a conversation?

      I'm tellin' you, the "what ifs" are endless.

      You give me hope though, thank you.

  3. The first time I ever met a blogger in real life, we spent the weekend together as couples~ Um NO ACTION, just friends. We had spoken for hours on the phone prior. I was extremely nervous, but not for reasons any differently that I would be really if I was hosting other people ( except worrying if we would run out of things to talk about..clearly THAT wasn't going to be a realistic worry LOL).

    After that initial meeting, it was so much easier to meet or phone even other bloggers. The first 30 seconds are or can be awkward (on the phone) but really I found it was soooooooooooooooo much easier meeting them than it was meeting up with people I haven't seen in years. As I always say, " Once someone knows your husband spanks you for misdeeds, what CAN'T you talk about? ". Our conversations late into the night ( I have vacationed with others since then) have been amazing. It was almost like coming home. There are no walls and shields, only acceptance ( and more importantly my wiliness to actually feel and see that).

    The most rewarding friendships I have made in my life started with the written word, and started 'here', (not including Barney that is). There is such an amazing gift in a friendship that is based on total (and that total being as much as you can honestly give at the time) transparency.

    Now that is not to say that I haven't met a handful of people, fortunately not in person, who are not who they present themselves to be. But I would hazard a guess we come across many of those people in our daily, face to face lives as well~ we just don't often expose ourselves to them like we do here. That being said, with every awkward encounter if I had just trusted the little voice inside, it never would have happened.

    Munches, parties, sharing? Not my thing. I am curious to be a fly on the wall for the first two. I am curious to see if I CAN take what is dished out, but only from watching from a far...that sounds really creepy! lol

    Take the plunge Misty. Reach back to those who have reached out to you, if you are only holding back because of personal fears, not because the friendship doesn't feel right. You might just be amazed as how wonderful it truly feels, how a friendship that is based on ttwd, can turn into a friendship that is so, so much more!


    1. willie, I can't imagine you running out of things to talk about! :)

      I have met some really special people around here, I feel so lucky. In ways it would be easier to meet/talk with people like yourself, but I talk about so much stuff here that I never, ever utter a word about in my real life so it's a little scary thinking about putting my face with my words.

      Oh, to be a fly on the wall, if only for a couple nights! I'm just so curious!

      I really am giving it some serious thought, but...

      Thank you, so much, for the comment.

  4. *willingness ...not wiliness sheesh

  5. I always think that people overthink these type of things. Take the leap, you're usually happier once you've landed on your feet instead of standing on the edge ready to jump. Also it is well comforting to have some kinky friends who understand your kinky side :)

    1. Natali Nor, I was thinking that I haven't thought about this enough. ;)

      You make a very good point, the first step is always the hardest. The idea of having friends sounds lovely, for the most part.

      Thank you for taking the time to comment!

  6. I don't think I'd like to go to events or munches or anything, either. I'm pretty much a social gnome... But I have met three other bloggers in real life (and there are a couple of others that I suspect will happen yet) and it's nice. Truthfully, they're not all that different than my vanilla friendships, except it's ok if certain things slip out. (On the other hand, I rarely discuss sex with my friends anyhow, so it's not a great hardship to remain silent.)

    I get the reluctance but I think you'd be surprised. :-)

    1. Jz, I'm usually up for trying new things because you never know until you try it, but this...challenges me on a whole other level. I know I'm being somewhat irrational, and I'm okay with that because this is serious! :) I'm sure I would benefit though.

      Thanks for your thoughts.

  7. If you have the chance, go for it.
    Munches can be fun.
    Play parties can be fun.
    Events can be fun.
    People make the events, find good people.
    We have gone over the years, mostly at his urging/request/orders.
    But once you get to know a community, then you get to know where the dude who makes the really awesome cat tails shows up.Or if you want to learn stuff, its nice to know someone who knows someone who knows someone who can teach you that thing.
    I have met a few bloggers in real life and that has meeting old friends. I prefer the one-on-one intimate settings, in general so its not a surprise I prefer the same thing with kinky minded.
    You could always leave.

    1. Bleue, have I told you how much I appreciate your comments?

      Good know, that would make all the difference, wouldn't it?! But, what if they're all monsters around here? ;)
      For all the worries I have, I also have a positive to go along with it. I just need to pull up my big girl pants and talk to him about it.

      We can always leave, can't we?! Why didn't I think of that?

  8. Munches, parties, events and/or extending play to include others are things that don't appeal to me. But, I have met a couple of fellow ttwd bloggers and in both cases those have overall been positive experiences. If you'd like to reach out and get to know someone better I say, go for it! :)

    1. Lilli, I'm sure I would a positive experience, too. After all, there's been very few people over the course of my life that I haven't been able to get along with...I just picture these things going drastically wrong. Lol. What if I talked to a blogger, and we didn't get along and my blog somehow got in the middle of it, would I still write here? I need this place! :)

  9. Years ago, I joined my first online forum (an FLR forum) and I ended up meeting up with another submissive male, and on a lark, we met halfway and had a beer. We clicked pretty well, although he was a bit over the top for me (used bonobo society as an example of why things are better when females are in charge). But, to each his own. We got together a few times, and for his wife's milestone birthday, I bartended (incidentally, he had a male stripper over). It was pretty fun. It was nice having a connection to someone sharing a similar interest as opposed to the "anonymity". Unfortunately, we moved and my efforts to reconnect have not been successful.

    Conversely, as we have explored the "hotwife" lifestyle, my wife has a fellow hotwife she corresponds with, and it seems to be helpful to her to bounce ideas off of another woman. It's nice to know that you are not alone, and to have feedback from others.

    1. lovetosubmit, nice to see you again. :)

      Bonobo? Well, I bet that was entertaining. Lol.

      Like you pointed out, there are benefits and I see that, but I also see the ways it could go wrong. The thing is, I'll never know until I try, and if it turns out to be a mistake, at least I tried???

  10. I know that I am glad that we joined Fet and started attending Munches. Where I live, there are no clubs, there just informal events in big warehouses or office buildings and sometimes smaller events at people's homes. There is no protocol, but they are big on vetting. I am glad that there are places to go, to play, and to meet others that are into the lifestyle. But sometimes it isn't all that big and scary and sometimes it is awesome. I hope that you all find a place to play and meet others.

    1. Blondie, in the short time I was on Fet I did learn there are no dungeons around here, which was absolutely not a surprise. There were smaller parties at homes and munches, I wasn't on long enough to learn anymore than that. We live in a low populated area and I assume if we wanted something more we'd have to drive at least 3 hours, but that's just an assumption. If Daddy could ever get away from work long enough to make a trip back to my home state, we'd have no problem whatsoever finding more there.

      I think, for now, I just want a friend I can talk to.

      Thank you for sharing your experience!

  11. Love your style. Be careful. Its tricky. Enjoy.


I like views, but I love comments, so... say something, would ya'?