There's parties, events, munches, demos, just friends, play partners, and everything else...I can't help but wonder what it would be like.
Thus far, the blog and email have been my only involvement with others in the lifestyle. (I was on FetLife for a short time, but I hardly count that as involvement.) It is comfortable here. A very nice distance from my personal life (gotta love that anonymity), easy to run away, which is probably why I haven't ran.
It would be nice to have coffee with someone that knew me, really knew me. Oh, make no mistake, the whole thing would stress me out to no end. I'd fret over everything until I turned blue. I'd think about backing out (up until the last second) then I'd suck it up and go, and I would be glad I did. That's just how I roll. ;)
I think a phone call would come before coffee, which is a different hurdle to overcome. A hurdle I've been given the chance to overcome and, in all this time, I have yet to jump it.
I'm in my little bubble over here. Again, it's comfortable. But we grow when we step outside of the bubble, and you never know who you might find.
Now, if I can't make a phone call is there any point in thinking about the rest?
Sure, there is! :)
Munches...getting together with a group of people I don't know? Yeah, that sounds reeeealy comforting. On the other hand, I would probably have a great time, if he could pull me out of the car.
Events...I'd be lying if I said I wasn't interested, but it's outside of my radar, so I don't have any strong feelings.
Parties and playing with others...I have mixed feelings, strong mixed feelings. If I'd stress that much over coffee, I think you can imagine how much I'd stress over this. When I have fantasies that involve others, we are not at a party...I guess it's more of an intimate setting. Honestly, I am much more comfortable with (the idea of) him finding another girl that I don't have to be involved with (as long as she isn't a bitch that tries to take my man!!), but that's not even close to how my fantasies go. I think that might be because I can just sit here in my comfortable spot and get off on the fact that he's doing something he wants, while my fantasies require more involvement. On the other hand, not all fantasies need to be lived.
The thing is though, I'm not ready for anything more than just friends, maybe I will never be ready for more, then again, that kinda depends on him too. I sure as hell won't do anything without him pushing me along. If he made moves toward putting new people in our lives, I'd follow. Of course I would. But I think I have too many insecurities and I'm still not used to these intense emotions. I don't trust people. We have kids to think about. People are crazy. And stupid.
So, yeah, I have more reasons to stay in my bubble than I do to leave it.
Except for friends. I think I need more of those.
This is one of those posts where I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and click publish... and here I go...