Thursday, June 23, 2016

Taking a (Scary) Step

I've been thinking that I should write about sexy times between Daddy and me (there's been plenty of it going around, that's for sure), but I'm not really feeling it.

He has made some changes and we've tried some new things, and I'm freakin' horny (for the most part). I want to do more new things. I want to do it all, tonight. That's totally doable, right?

*        *        *

I might not be writing so much here, but I have been writing a lot in my journal. Words are falling out of me like you wouldn't believe, and I love it. It's not something I've always been able to do--in fact, I avoided it for many years, but that's another story.

Daddy has been curious about what I've been writing... He started reading over my shoulder the other day (talk about uncomfortable!), I immediately closed it and told him that he could read it, but I didn't want to know about it.

I mean it when I say, he can have any part of me that he wants, so he has every right to read my journal. It's just...I don't want to edit what I write, you know? Like if I'm upset, I just want to write what I feel without worrying about what he might think, or if he'll take it the wrong way, or whatever.

I'm just making excuses.

He is interested in what I think, for goodness sake!! In the beginning I could barely get him to read the blog, and it drove me nuts. I wanted my words to hold some importance, I wanted my words to be worth his time, and now they's kinda scary. lol.

*deep breath*


You can read my journal any time you want--in front of me, behind my back, over my shoulder, however you want. My words are yours.

Damn, this is hard!

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Take These Broken Wings and Learn to Fly

Inspired by Blackbird

Despite the cards life dealt me, I have always kept moving forward. 
Despite moving forward, sadly, I have only focused on how I failed in inching along -tripping over my own feet, falling flat on my face, scarring me even further, and hurting those I love in the process- because I knew I was better than my actions. Even in my darkest moments, I knew I was capable of something more positive than what I was living.

Now, however, I see that I didn't fail, I was just really good stumbling.

I dug a hole, deep enough to keep light out, to hide from that which I didn't know how to accept. There were times I tried to claw my way out, only to find I made it deeper. I was discouraged and disappointed in myself. I knew there was light, I knew I deserved to see it, I just didn't know how to find it.

I remember the many, many times I asked, "When is it my turn?"

Turns out, someone was listening. I was merely eighteen the last time I cried those words and not even a year later I met the man I today call Daddy.

My wings were shattered when he walked into my life. I managed to hide them a couple years and even then, I only gave him a peek. I was terrified of losing him--fearful of being too broken. He was my escape, a knight in a silver truck come from a far land to save me.

I had to show him every broken bone, every lost feather, and the darkness in between. When he didn't leave, when he showed himself to be a bigger man than many, I accepted my wings and began to heal. He gave me a safe place to heal.

Here we are, almost fifteen years later from our first date. Some days my wings are strong enough to lift me, other days I walk, and rarely, I crawl. But, no matter how I travel, I wear my scarred wings proudly, because I fucking made it.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

I Wanna Be Sedated

Post title from the Ramones.

Well, this is our last day. We had so much fun!

We went to Brookgreen Gardens where we saw butterflies and moths...

 And trees...
Oh! The trees! They were so beautiful!
We also took a boat ride and learned a little about the lives that formed these lands. (The kiddo's couldn't get enough of that. lol)

We also took a trip to the aquarium... 

And, of course, there was plenty of this...

It was also wonderful talking with my grandmother and seeing the girls with her--it was heartwarming, for sure.

Nonetheless, I need to be home, in his arms, right now!

Twelve hours, just gotta make it twelve more hours.

Sunday, June 5, 2016

Two Days Left, Two Sides to the Coin

Packing preparations are beginning. I'm so excited, the girls are excited, but I don't wanna go!

I made an effort to relax yesterday, in between a couple chores--I know good and well the work I'm about to put in. I also had a feeling that he would want to play...

He took me downstairs. You all know how I love that, right? It means I get to be tied up, used, and I can be louder. Win/win/win.

I couldn't let go. Oh, I tried. He tried. I just...couldn't get into it. 

My head is too full of lists, and the multitude of emotions this trip has brought on.

I was tied up, arms spread overhead, and you know what came out of my mouth?

"You're sunburnt."

Perfect conversation for the moment, huh?

Needless to say, things didn't go as he planned. In the end, it all worked out, so I didn't fail, completely.

I'm so over this trip.

But, I can't wait to feel the sand between my toes.