Thursday, June 16, 2016

Take These Broken Wings and Learn to Fly

Inspired by Blackbird

Despite the cards life dealt me, I have always kept moving forward. 
Despite moving forward, sadly, I have only focused on how I failed in inching along -tripping over my own feet, falling flat on my face, scarring me even further, and hurting those I love in the process- because I knew I was better than my actions. Even in my darkest moments, I knew I was capable of something more positive than what I was living.

Now, however, I see that I didn't fail, I was just really good stumbling.

I dug a hole, deep enough to keep light out, to hide from that which I didn't know how to accept. There were times I tried to claw my way out, only to find I made it deeper. I was discouraged and disappointed in myself. I knew there was light, I knew I deserved to see it, I just didn't know how to find it.

I remember the many, many times I asked, "When is it my turn?"

Turns out, someone was listening. I was merely eighteen the last time I cried those words and not even a year later I met the man I today call Daddy.

My wings were shattered when he walked into my life. I managed to hide them a couple years and even then, I only gave him a peek. I was terrified of losing him--fearful of being too broken. He was my escape, a knight in a silver truck come from a far land to save me.

I had to show him every broken bone, every lost feather, and the darkness in between. When he didn't leave, when he showed himself to be a bigger man than many, I accepted my wings and began to heal. He gave me a safe place to heal.

Here we are, almost fifteen years later from our first date. Some days my wings are strong enough to lift me, other days I walk, and rarely, I crawl. But, no matter how I travel, I wear my scarred wings proudly, because I fucking made it.



17 comments:

  1. Very nicely done, Misty. You have been through so much but you have made it and moved forward into a life that is really yours. Impressive. Now enjoy it. You've earned it and it is your time. Amy

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    1. Amy, thank you so much. It is my time. :)

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  2. so beautifully written. and yes, always remember - you fucking made it!! hurray!

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  3. I wish I could write like you. What a beauriful post. Thank you.

    appy

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    1. What a wonderful comment! Thank you, appy!

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  4. Wonderful post Misty and beautifully written. You have been through so much and you have definitely made it. I admire how you have moved forward.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Roz, sometimes it's hard to remember that I made it.

      Thank you for being here.

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  5. Yassss πŸ™ŒπŸΌπŸ™ŒπŸΌπŸ™ŒπŸΌπŸ™ŒπŸΌ

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  6. Oh I can relate to most of this. I am sincerely happy for you Misty. Life hasn't been easy or 'typical'. Realizing that you have the man in your corner that you need is the second best gift you can have. The best is excepting yourself. Looks like you've got both!

    willie

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    1. willie, it's sad but, I imagine a lot of us can relate.

      I agree with everything you said, 100%. I've come so far in the past 3 years, but the 12 before that were just as important.

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  7. =)
    I am at a happy loss of words!!
    You have put quite a lot of work into seeing your own worth and allowing him to freely do the same. LOVE this for you both!!!!
    Great post!!

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  8. I'm in this position right now. Absolutely terrified to show someone all these broken parts. I hope I can finally heal too.

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    1. Kyrene, it is so hard and I wish you the best of luck. Stay strong, keep getting back up!

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  9. Cheers, Misty. You're doing an amazing job of being you! :-p

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