I'm so close to crashing. It would be easy to fall off the edge and let darkness consume me, but I'm fighting it with all my strength. I refuse to give in.
Mostly, I feel numb or hazy, but the clawing in my chest stays to remind me...
I'm doing things that make me feel good. And I'm trying to keep a balance so I don't feel like I've neglected anything.
I'm also trying to figure out my limits. I need a line and if he can't draw one than I'm going to. (*sigh* This goes against what I want to be.)
I thought it would be easy to separate bedroom from daily life, but I'm just not sure where one starts and the other ends.
Thinking on it a bit further, I know where that line is, I just don't know...what I can handle, ya' know?
I'm not going to stop making his coffee...
The other night, he came in late and wanted me to make him some food. I didn't because I was tired and the bed was so soft. I should've gotten up though...
Serving him makes me feel good, so I'm not going to stop.
Chores and the like... I will take care of it by myself. I don't want him to point out stuff that I'm not doing.
I can't do rules either.
Fuck, that makes me sad.
While he was gone, he had me put the plug in and send him a picture . The second night he told me to send him two pictures and to make them interesting. I sent four and did my best make them interesting, that felt really good. I even like the pictures.