It is still quite painful but, yesterday I only let a few tears escape. I caught them, sucked them up, pushed them down and refocused. It was an improvement that today will not have, perhaps tomorrow...
We're slipping back into what we once were, more friends than lovers. I don't think he's happy, however, I'm pretty sure he prefers it this way--I don't feel the same stressed out vibe he once gave off. He sees my pain, and I see him look away.
As for me, well...the real me goes back in the box. I'm packing her up and putting her in a safe, dark, climate controlled corner. I will peek in on her from time-to-time, just to let her know that I haven't forgotten and she's still special to me.
All is not lost though. I will self-improve and be the best mom I can be.